Forgiveness
Forgiveness is hard sometimes. Depending on the level of hurt caused or pain inflicted, it can feel nearly impossible. Recently a person who I thought loved me, and if I’m honest with myself still does, said something to me that hurt deeply. It’s funny how words can cut like a knife isn’t it? The hard part is that this incident followed a long list of previous hurts at the hands of the same person. The thing that makes it more painful is that the person shows no remorse.
It’s hard enough for me to earnestly forgive people. Sometimes I think I only superficially forgive. I often forgive in words, but choose to hang onto the hurt. This causes me to put up walls and distance myself from that person out of fear of being hurt again. However, it’s especially hard for me to forgive when I know I will never receive an apology. Why should I forgive someone if they’re not even sorry for what they said or did?
The Unforgiving Debtor
As I was thinking and praying over this situation the other day while driving, the parable of the unforgiving debtor came to mind. To preface the story, Peter, one of Jesus’s disciples, came to Jesus and asked him, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” Jesus replied that he should not forgive him seven times, but seventy times seven. He then proceeds with the following parable. Bear with me, it may seem a little long to read:
The Parable
“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold – along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned – to pay the debt.
But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and released him and forgave his debt.
But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?'”
~Matthew 18:21-33
Our Standard of Forgiveness
Before I jump to the point of the parable, check out Ephesians 4:31-32:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as God through Christ forgave you.”
The point of this verse and the above parable is that we are called to forgive because Jesus, our standard of holiness, forgave us. Even with His dying breath on the cross, Jesus asked His Father to forgive His murderers, knowing full well that a good portion of them would never show remorse. Like the king in the parable, Jesus forgave us an enormous debt. Since he set the ultimate example of forgiveness to the point of death, He makes it possible for us to earnestly forgive others when they wrong us. For no debt can be harder to forgive than the debt Jesus forgave on the cross.
A Clean Slate
When we sin, God is ready and willing to forgive. Not only is He willing to forgive, He is willing to forget our wrong-doing.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ~1 John 1:9
After we ask for forgiveness, God gives us a clean slate, a fresh start. And no matter how many times we offend Him or act in opposition to His holiness, He is willing to forgive us and forget whatever it is that happened. However, since we bear Christ’s name, as Christians, we are called to live by His example, and earnestly forgive others just as He earnestly forgives us. This means giving others unlimited second chances.
Won’t That Be Setting Myself Up For Hurt?
Yeah, it probably will. I’ll be the first to admit that I will avoid certain people and situations like the plague if it keeps me from getting hurt. But think about it this way: God’s heart breaks a little every time we sin. It grieves Him to the core. But, when we sin, does He throw up walls to protect Himself, saying “I won’t let you have relationship with me anymore because I’m afraid of getting hurt”? No! He gives us infinite second chances, forgives us seventy times seven, if you will. Not only does He forgive and forget, He continually pursues after relationship with us.*
Closing Thoughts
A couple months ago, my pastor in Boise gave a sermon on forgiveness. In his message he included the following quote:
“Unforgiveness and resentment are like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Jesus doesn’t call us to forgive just because it’s the Christ-like thing to do. He also calls us to forgive because He knows an unforgiving heart will eat away at us from the inside out until we become bitter and resentful. Jesus calls us to forgive because forgiveness is life-giving, not only for the forgiven, but also for the forgiver.
Writing this has helped me process some of my hurt and helped me to work through the idea of forgiveness. I’m still thinking through the situation and preparing myself for what the idea of full and genuine forgiveness will look like in my relationship with the aforementioned person. However, I am confident that God will soften my heart and give me the grace I lack and earnestly seek.
Blessings on your home and table, ~Natalie
Check out my last Food, Faith, and Friday post: When All You Need Is Butter.
*I in no way mean this to say that if people are in an abusive relationship that they should continually pursue relationship and “second chances” with their abuser. If you are such a person, forgiveness might look a little bit different. I only mean to say that part of being in relationship as humans means getting hurt at some point. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory of being sinful people.
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